Baby Tomato Ketchup

My husband grew up like Beaver Cleaver.  His parents stayed married, his father was a Baptist minister and his mom was like June Cleaver.  She kept the home, was active in the women's auxiliary and by all accounts was the best cook south of the Mason-Dixon line.  You could say that I have big pots to fill.  Sadly she isn't around to teach me her recipes. I've tried to replicate his favourite meals from childhood with limited success.  For years he's talked about Mom's Homemade Ketchup.  She used it in everything so every recipe has this unobtainable item at it's core.

We've been married 9 years (this Saturday!) and at every opportunity I've asked his family if anyone has the recipe for the famous ketchup.  No one has it.  When she passed away the lady's church group put together a book of her recipes but they only included the recipes in her recipe box.  Not the ones that were in her head because she made them all the time.  So 9 years later I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and try making any homemade ketchup.  At least I'll have a base so he can tell me more of this or less of that.  Here is my attempt at homemade ketchup.  Since it's not mom's recipe I shall call it "Baby Tomato Ketchup"  If you've seen Pulp Fiction you remember Uma Thurman's character telling the old joke, "three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.  Papa tomato, mama tomato and baby tomato.  Baby tomato starts lagging behind and papa tomato get really angry; goes and and squishes him; says 'catch up'. "  There is inspiration everywhere!

The Ball Blue Book provided me with the recipe for Tomato Ketchup. 

4 quarts chapped, peeled, cored tomatoes (about 24 large)
1 cup chopped onion (about 1 medium)

1/2 cup chopped sweet red capsicum/pepper (about 1/2 medium)

1 1/2 tsp celery seed

1 tsp whole allspice

1 tsp mustard seed

1 stick cinnamon

1 cup sugar

1 Tbsp salt

1 Tbsp paprika

1 1/2 cup vinegar (I used apple cider vinegar)

I have never peeled and cored tomatoes before so I went on YouTube to learn how.  It turns out to be quite easy.  I think I'll be using fresh tomatoes a lot more.  

Here are some of my beautiful love apples. They will be cored and blanched. 

Coring is quite easy just cut a little cone around the stem area on each tomato.  It should just pop out if you get it right.  If you miss some material don't worry you can clean it up later when you quarter the tomato and remove the seeds. 

If you cut a little "x" in the bottom of each tomato the skins will be easier to peel off.  After they have been prepared drop them in a pot of rapidly boiling water for 5 to 30 seconds.  You'll know it's time to remove them when the skins start to peel.  Then you put them in a container of cold water.  This stops the cooking process and cools them for handling. 

The tomatoes will look like this after the bath.  The skin just pulls right off.

 Once the skins are removed you quarter the tomatoes and remove the seeds and the white part of the flesh.  It was hard to get a good photo because my hands were covered in tomato juice but the one on the right here has the unwanted material removed.  I used a paring knife to slice off the centers and then my thumb to remove the membrane and seeds. Into the pot they go.

I added my sweet red capsicum/pepper and onion to the pot and cooked it until the tomatoes were tender. 

This is my Christmas present that I opened early so I could puree the mixture.  I love my new food processer!  I cooked the pureed mix until it had reduced by half and was nice and thick.  

The whole spices went into a spice bag (which is just a muslin drawstring bag).  The sugar, vinegar, salt and paprika go right into the mix.  Then you let it simmer until it's thick.  It needs to be stirred often so it doesn't stick. Once it's cooked the spice bag comes out and the sauce gets put into hot jars and water bathed for 10 minutes. 

I ended up with about 4 1/2 pints.  I water bathed 3 1/2 pints for storage and then I put the rest in these flip top jars that will go right into the fridge for immediate use.  

My Baby Tomato Ketchup is sweet and tangy.  I am VERY pleased with the result and so is my hubby.  We will start testing it out and see if any changes are needed in the future. 

Happy 9th Anniversary to the best husband in the whole world! 

I love you more than ever.

Strawberry Vodka

A recent trip to Costco yielded a huge basket of strawberries so I decided to make a special treat for Christmas.  Strawberry vodka!

The basket wasn't really huge but the berries were.  Look at this monster!  The best part was that they were super sweet and juicy.

I washed the berries, trimmed the stems and cut some of them to fill a pint jar.  We aren't big drinkers in my house. There was a bottle of vodka in the freezer that must have been three years old.  I used what was left to cover the berries.

For two weeks they sat in my cupboard.  Every few days I'd give them a shake and watched as the vodka turn pink.   After two weeks the berries look like this.  Kinda gray and icky.  When I opened the jar it smelled just like jam.

I poured my berry mix through a strainer.  Look at the beautiful colour of the vodka. The berries were really plumped up.  They were full of my vodka so I had to get it out.

 I mashed the berries to extract as much liquid as possible.  Then poured it through a coffee filter into my jar.

The result!  I took this photo outside so you could see how bright the colours are.  It's really pretty, smells devine and tastes like candy.  I can't wait to mix it with a bit of sparkling soda and a squeeze of fresh lemon on Christmas day.

Laundry Detergent

I've been absent from my blog for several months but recent events have encouraged me to come back.

My facebook friends are always asking about the homemade cleaners I make, the recipes I'm cooking and my food storage.  I've learned to can food safely (I'm still learning!) and I'm a student of sustainable living.  They ask me how I do these things and are really encouraging about my learning.  I'd love to share the things I've learned so that others can learn too.

Today I post one of my most favourite things.  Homemade laundry detergent.  I have tried several different "recipes" and this is one that is the easiest to make, has a wonderful result and takes up very little space in the laundry room.  I used to make liquid detergent but it was in 5 gallon buckets and it never got my husbands shirts really really clean.   So here is my tried and tested (for more than 2 years in my home) laundry detergent.

I usually make a big batch every six months or more.

1 cup Washing Soda
1 Cup Borax
1/4 cup BiCarb Soda
1 bar of grated soap

Washing soda can be found in the laundry isle.  It's usually in a bag on the bottom shelf.  Borax can be found in a lot of grocery stores with the cleaners but I find it's cheaper and sold in bigger quantities at Bunnings.  Bi-Carb or Baking Soda is also at the grocery store in the baking isle.

When it come to bar soap you can use any soap you like.  BUT it has to be real soap.  The moisture bars that they sell will not work.  An example of a moisture bar is Dove.  I have tried all sorts of soaps some more environmentally friendly than others.  My goal wasn't to make a 100% green detergent.  It was to make a good detergent that was cheap.   I found that the best soap for me was Sard Wondersoap.  It cleans everything.  In my house we are mechanics and grease, oil and fuel are not a problem with this detergent.

Washing soda is currently $3.90 a kg
Borax at Bunnings is about $8 kg
Bi Carb is about $3.00 a kg at the grocery store but if you get it at Costco it's MUCH cheaper.
Sard wonder soap $2.50 a bar

If you figure that if we made 4x a regular batch it would cost (there are a little more than 4 cups in a kilo of powder so this is an estimate.)

Washing soda  3.90
Borax               8.00
Bi Carb              .75
Sard x4          10.00

Total            $22.65

This would make about 13 cups of detergent or 208 tablespoons.  I use one tablespoon for a regular large load and two if it's heavily soiled.  It costs 11 cents a tablespoon.  So a load of laundry will cost from 11 to 22 cents.

My little jam jar.  Without shelves I've
made use of an old shower shelf.  The
coffee scoop clips on and is one Tbsp.
The other jar is my "you left this in
your pockets" jar. 

Here is an example of a bulk portion of powdered detergent for sale at a local shop .  They say it's concentrated and their 7 kilos will yield 160 washes.  At a price of $39 that makes it 24 cents per wash.  Also they use 7 kilos to do 160 washes where my homemade detergent will yield from 104 to 208 washes with less than half as much detergent.  What are they using as "filler" to make up all that extra product I wonder?  Do you feel like you get a better deal if there is more bulk of something?

My laundry room doesn't have a large shelf in it.  When I make my detergent I use a little 5 litre bucket with a lid.  That bucket goes under my folding table and I have a little jam jar that I use to keep some near the machine.  The jam jar gets refilled every few weeks or month depending on usage.  Since I'm only using a tablespoon per load it makes sense to have a little container for easy access. I like that I'm not spilling detergent by taking a scoop from a bucket on the floor up to the machine.

This is what it looks like all mixed up.

The 5 litre bucket really is too big for
the batches I make but it's what I had.

Happy washing!

I can see clearly now

It's been a little more than 2 weeks since my eye surgery.  I was to be clear that my experience is not what most people experience when they have Lasik.  For them it is like the commercials.  They have the surgery, go home with a sleeping pill and when they wake up the next day they can see. I know that is how it is because I shared a waiting room with those people.  The young girls bounced out of the exam room "I've got better than 20/20!" they announce cheerfully to the room.  Just quietly I thought, "whatever bitch" but I knew my time would come.  When I was called in for my post surgery exam the optometrist was shocked to find that I couldn't make out a single letter on the chart. "Chart what chart?"  She tried to hide her concern but I could see she was a little scared.  I touched her hand, "it's ok, she said this would happen" I was completely near sighted or short sighted which was the opposite of how I'd started out.

The muscles in my eyes were so strong that if they had done a standard operation the muscles would have pulled my eyes back out of focus.  So for the first few days my vision would be good and then rapidly get bad again.  To avoid that the surgeon explained that she would have to over correct my eyes and let the muscles pull them into focus.  A process that would take a few weeks and was a lot harder than it sounded in our consultation.  I did notice that when the surgeon did my first check up, even through my swollen eyes, I could see the fine hairs on the side of her face.  I'd never seen them before on anyone.

By day three of my recovery I was convinced that they entire thing was a mistake and I wished I had never done it.  I chastised myself, "what was so wrong with glasses? At least you could see then.  You had to be so vain and ruin everything!" Because I was coming from a place where I had poor depth perception the world I could see was different, very different.  It was as if everything had suddenly been inflated.  Driving home I asked my husband, "Did you know the McDonalds golden arches weren't flat?" He laughed, "Uh, ya I knew that" It became clear to me that there was a whole world of marketing that hadn't been available to me.  Letters on buildings popped out at me, signs were plump and then we passed a car yard. BALLOONS! Oh my god balloons! No wonder people love balloons, they were so beautiful.  Pudgy little spheres of joy.  I had no idea balloons could look like that, it was amazing.

On the other side of that was that when I walked into a room I was suddenly very aware of the corners and the closeness of the walls. There were also no words to describe what I was seeing because words I had use before no longer applied. Trees on the street were in a different order, for the first time I understood what far-away looked like but my world had became very small.  If you've ever been on a computer simulated ride you may appreciate how it felt.  My eyes saw something, it was similar to things I'd looked at before but they just didn't add up in my brain.  I was queazy, outside was overwhelming and I just wanted to stay in my room.  The sun was like 1000 times brighter than I'd ever seen.  It burned and my eyes watered like leaky faucets.  I covered my curtains with thick blankets.  The brightness of the TV was turned way down and I sat 18 inches in front of it so I could see.  I could do little else.  After a week I got brave enough to go outside with dark sunnies on.  My friends cheered with me when I'd post on facebook that I could "see" things.  Droplets of water in the shower was big deal. Since I could never shower with glasses on the whole experience is different.  There are fleur de lis on the taps in my shower, I've lived in this house for 6 1/2 years and never knew that.  I can see the trail from the razor when I shave my legs. Where I haven't shaved is shiny and where I have is matte.  I've been shaving my legs since I was 13 years old and never saw that.

So two weeks in and I have come really far. I am sitting outside now, without sunnies and I can see the leaves on the trees.  That is the trees with big leaves but I know the small leaves will come.  My eyes are dry but if I apply drops twice a day they don't bother me.  This weekend I went on a trip into the forest to find wild mushrooms.  I could see the changes in terrain, the height of rocks and plants and I didn't trip or fall once.  I didn't walk into branches or step off things that seems lower than they were.  It was brilliant.  Last night hubby took me out for a birthday dinner and as we drove home in the dark I realised that I could see the lines on the road, crisp as lettuce.

So I begin my 36th year with this thought.  I have seen the Mona Lisa, the Grand Canyon and tulips in the spring but nothing will ever be as striking or more beautiful than the day I saw a bunch of balloons over a used car yard.

Surgery day

So it was surgery day.  I was pretty scared but once they gave me the valium I was right.  This is how it went down.

I arrived at surgery around 4.00 they had me fill out some paperwork and removed my left arm for payment.  An optometrist took me back and retested my eyes to confirm the previous tests.  I took notice that without my glasses I can read the second line.  You know how there is a single letter at the top and then they get smaller as you go down?  Well without my glasses  I could read the second line.  Back to the waiting room.

Will sat beside me holding my hand.  Then I hear my name and away I go.  She had me sit in an big overstuffed chair and confirmed my details.  I was given a lovely covering for my shoes and hair although all of my hair didn't actually fit in it.  Valium and pain pills downed and I'm told it will be about 30 minutes until they call me.  Did I have any questions?  Well yes, can we record the surgery for me to watch later?  She assures me they can and leaves to set up the camera.  I am left with a single magazine and a better understanding of the tragic life of Pippa Middleton as she's dissed by the Queen.

My knees feel funny and loose and I know the valium has kicked in.  I'm greeted by a cheerful blonde with a camera announcing, "it's time!"  I wasn't aware that I was going to be a feature of this movie I thought it would just be my eyeballs but whatever.  I walk back, they put me on a table, settle my head and the machine moves me back toward the laser.

The actually surgery couldn't have taken longer than 5 or 6 minutes.  They put a weird circular clamp under my eyelids.  A machine is positioned over my eye and a spotted red light is visible.  "Look right at the red light" they tell me time and time again. I thought I would see the laser cutting but all I saw was the red light.  They put some machine over my eye and mash it down onto my eyeball.  Seriously, there was so much pressure I thought my eye might explode.  Then the burning smell of poor vision.  30 seconds later they put a tiny squeegee across my eye laying the "flap" back down.  Next eye same thing and done. It was a whirlwind.  A hand on my shoulder and they tell me I'm done.  The bed moves to the front and they tell me to follow someone into the next room.  Looking then was like looking through a window smeared with petroleum jelly.  I am seated and a young girls goes over the numerous eyedrops I'll have to apply over the next week.  Then she puts the eye shields over my eyes, the old lady cataract sunnies and I'm done.  Out to the waiting room to a husband who was surprised to see me so soon.

The patches they put over my eyes didn't black out the world they are opaque so I couldn't really see but I could make out objects.  We made it down the lift and out onto the street.  It turns out the the surgery I had actually turned me into a vampire.  I learned this as I stepped on to the footpath and the sun met my eyes.  "It burns us!" Holy mother of sunshine how would I make it home?

Will directed me to Jeep and as I stepped up to it I realised that I could see the curb. Like really see it, as a step.   We drove home and I slept.  I awoke as we pulled onto our street.  The swelling had come and I was completely blind.  Will got me into the house and in bed.  At that point it felt as though I'd had hot pokers pushed through my eyes like the old man on Robin Hood.  What would I do if they put my master in a cage hanging from the top beam? I'd never get him down and he'd be pecked to death by evil birds.

There were pain pills in my take home pack so I got those down.  Will put on a movie I'd seen 4,000 times so it didn't matter if I could see it. Both dogs lay beside me knowing that something wasn't quite right.  5 minutes later I was asleep.

I discovered the next day that the eye shields weren't actually opaque they're clear but my post surgery eyes were opaque.

She said yes.

When I was 4 years old I told my mom that I had "magic eyes" because I could see two of her.  A few days later she told me that I was going to see a special doctor and that I would be getting glasses.  That would have been about 1980. I saw that same doctor, Dr. Van Patten until I was in high school.  When he passed away and his daughter took over the practice and then I saw her.  

Me and my first pair of glasses

When I was about 12 years old I asked Dr. Van Patten how bad my eyes were and he said that I had the vision of someone in their late 60's.  I have always been terribly far sighted, I have an eye that turns in and a severe astigmatism.  Doc gave me exercises to do to strengthen my eyes and every night I'd sit on the edge of my bed and do my eye stretches before I went to bed. I still do them today, they feel good.  The day I came home with my first pair of glasses my older sister called me four-eyes and was promptly sent to her room.  School was a lot like that first night.  My glasses magnify my eyes so they appear quite large.  "My what big eyes you have" was a constant taunt. 

When I was 6 years old my mother asked about this new thing she saw on TV, soft contact lenses.  The doctor told her it was out of the question, I was too young.  The youngest they had tried was 13 and he put them on his dog! It was too much responsibility for a child.  Mom stood her ground and assured him that I wasn't like other kids.  She really went to bat for me and her persistence paid off.  He agreed to try.  


I remember that it took weeks and weeks to get the contacts in.  They had to make special ones for me.  One of the nurses taught me how to wash my hands and get all the oils off my fingers, to be gentle cleaning the lenses and then we practiced putting them in.  My mom bought me a special magnified mirror with a gold frame to put on my little tea party table so I could see to put on my contacts.  I was too small to reach the bathroom mirror to do it there.  

At one point they had me teach adults how to care for their contact lenses because they had trouble getting through to them.  One lady used to put vaseline on her hands and then put in her lenses.  I showed her how I washed my hands and we sat across from each other while I demonstrated pulling down my eye lid to make room for the lenses.  She was very irresponsible. I was not irresponsible, in 30 years I have never torn or lost a contact lens.  


Each year I would get my eyes checked and mom and I would fight over which glasses I would get.  If I wanted bright green plastic frames mom would argued, "what will happen when you want to wear a pink sweater?" She always won.   

So many people wear glasses that it's pretty common and you understand what it means to pick out glasses.  You want the right shape for your face, the right size and colour.  They should be fashionable and comfortable.  You may try on 50 pairs before you find the right ones.  Imagine that you stare at the big display of glasses and they tell you that of the 100 or so on display "these four will fit your prescription".  Four.  You get to choose from four.  When coloured contact lenses came out I was so excited, I'd be so fancy! When I asked about them the nurse snorted, "not in your prescription." When they came out with bendable frames, or frameless glasses same thing, not in my prescription.  I was lucky to have glasses why did I need to get picky?

When I was in high school in the 90's my parent's friends started having radial keratotomy eye surgery.  My boyfriends mom had it and we got to watch it on video! I was amazed, they took a tiny little circular blade and made a few incisions on her eye.  It took 5 minutes and the next day she could see without glasses. I was sold, I wanted eye surgery.  I went to see the new, younger and female Dr. Van Patten and she laughed at me.  "They don't do surgery for your eyes." Then she informed me that it would be years before technology caught up with my eyes.  She was right.  It was 19 years to be exact.  38 pairs of glasses, 200 pairs of contact lenses, 4 doctors and 19 years later I am getting my eye surgery.  


I was so used to hearing no. No, you can't have coloured lenses, no you can't have fun frames, no, no, no.  When the surgeon said yes I cried.  Actually she just started talking about how she was going to make this surgery work for my eyes and I just stopped her, "Wait, you're saying yes? Yes, you can do it?" she smiled, "Absolutely. Yes."  I felt a tear slide down my cheek.  Yes.  She said yes.  Just like that, yes.  Yes, I can give you eye sight.  Like she was offering to knit me a scarf or wash my car.  Sure honey, you want fries with that vision? 


They scheduled me and I got the pre-surgery talk.  Will and I walked out to the parking lot to go home.  He just kept saying "How about that?" I was still shocked.  I choked, "I can't believe she said yes" and then burst into tears. I'm crying now as I type it.  She said yes. 


As we rode home I remembered all those stories about being a kid in glasses but then I thought about what was coming.  What will it be like to not be afraid to walk down stairs? I have really poor depth perception so I can't tell how far away things are.  Steps might look like a flat surface to me or smaller than they really are.  What if I could catch a ball?  My whole life I've been hit in the face with baseballs, softballs, tennis balls, soccer balls. I can't see them coming.  What if I could walk down the street and not be afraid because I can't tell the difference between sticks and snakes?  And what about those silly posters and books that were so popular a few years ago?  The ones with the 3D picture that "popped" out of another picture.  You stare and it and the hidden picture sort of appears. I have never been able to see one of those, what if I could see the hidden picture?  


I'm having surgery in 4 days.  They told me to be sure to bring my old glasses to donate. Someone else will get to use my glasses because I will be able to see without them.  I'm going to buy a new pair of sun glasses that don't have to be altered before I can wear them.  I'm going to be able to see my teammates when I skate and I'm going to be able to ride my motorcycle fast.  I will be able to wear eye liner on my lower lid and won't have to minimize my makeup because my glasses magnify everything.  I will be able to see the clock when I wake up in the middle of the night.  I hear that after surgery you can see the individual leaves on a tree. Each leaf! How good would that be?  


I'm gonna see leaves.  

Quick & Dirty

Today a friend started to look into the "end of the world" phenomenon and, as many people do, she started to freak out a little bit.  So little time and so much to do.  Even if the world doesn't start to self destruct there are floods, power outages, storms and other accidents.  So tonight I will give you a quick and dirty survival tip. 

You know the old saying a human can live 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water and 3 weeks without food?  For some reason food is the first thing people think of when it comes to survival planning.   If you're in the wilderness you need to secure shelter first and foremost so lets assume you are staying in your home.  Senario:  There is a flood and the water coming from your tap is contaminated.  What do you do?  Ideally you should boil the water.  This is a very reliable method for killing microbes and parasites.  (If the water is contaminated during a flood it's likely contaminated with sewage)  So you get your water to the stove top and bring it to a boil for ten minutes.  If you are at a high elevation you need to add a minute of boiling for every 1000 feet above sea level.  Easy enough right?  Well what do you do if the flood has taken out the power too?  Sure you Aussies head for the BBQ but if fuel is at a premium let's save it to cook all that food that's thawing in the freezer.


This is when you reach for the bottle of bleach you squirrelled away after reading this blog.  Bleach is cheap.  On your next shopping trip get a generic bottle for around $1.20.  Then print these instructions and tape them to the bottle.  Don't store it in the laundry or it will get used.  In the US during a big emergency they hand out bottles of bleach with these instructions.  

Liquid Bleach First let water stand until particles settle. Pour the clear water into an uncontaminated container and add liquid  Bleach per the chart.* Mix well. Wait 30 min. Water should have a slight bleach odor. If not, repeat dose.  Wait 15 min. Sniff again. Keep an eyedropper taped to your emergency bottle of Bleach, since purifying small amounts of water requires only a few drops. See chart* suggestions for storage bottle replacement. Don't pour purified water into contaminated containers.  Without water and electricity, even everyday tasks are tough. In lieu of steaming hot water, sanitize dishes with a little Bleach. Just follow the directions below to keep dishes clean. Whether you use bleach in an emergency or for everyday chores, it's always an environmentally sound choice. After its work is done,  Bleach breaks down to little more than salt and water, which is good news anytime.  *Ratio of Bleach to Water for Purification 2 drops of liquid Bleach per quart of water 8 drops of liquid Bleach per gallon of water 1/2 teaspoon liquid Bleach per five gallons of water If water is cloudy, double the recommended dosages of liquid Bleach. Only use Regular Bleach (not Scented). To insure that Bleach is at its full strength, replace your storage bottle every three months.)  **(Bleach Sanitizing Solution)  Mix 1 tablespoon liquid Bleach with 2 litres of water. Always wash and rinse items first, then let each item soak in Bleach Sanitising Solution for 2 minutes. Drain and air dry. I hope this helps you when you need it most.  Be prepared!

Identity Crisis

If I die in 304 days how will I be remembered?

I have been struggling with an identity crisis.  The last year saw monumental changes in my life.  For 11 years I've worked in the motorcycle industry and consider myself "the Harley chick".  If you want to know anything about a Harley-Davidson Motorcycle I am your girl.  But last year we sold our dealership and I haven't seen the backside of a parts counter in 10 months.  One month after I left the shop I broke my leg playing roller derby.  Roller derby girl, my other identity.  For 3 months I sat on my couch and took on a new temporary identity, broken derby girl.  I joined the forums, read about my injury and planned my return to the sport.

My return came 9 months after injury but, despite my plan for derby domination, it was harder than I thought.  You couldn't have prepared me for how easy it was to skate again, physically.  But, likewise, the mental barrier to engage in the sport is harder than I was prepared for.  For the last month I have been some times going to training, skating on my own and telling myself that it was a process.  Not surprisingly I didn't enjoy it.

Skating around in circles, by yourself, scared, is not roller derby.  It's lonely and boring.  I was ready to quit.  I told myself lies. It's was ok, I put in my time.  It's harder to come back from an injury at 35 than 25.  If you don't have the fighting spirit now you never will.

Pre-practice yesterday I went to my husband for a pep talk.  "I don't want to go to practice. I think I'm done."  He said that didn't sound like "the girl he knows" and while he would support my decision, he didn't want me to walk away because I was afraid.  If I didn't want to, it was one thing, but to cower and run with my tail between my legs wasn't my style.  We had a long talk and I finally cried, "Without the shop and without derby, who am I?"  I think that is what Oprah calls the ah ha moment.  For three years I've been involved in the sport.  My friends, clothes, community and life is wrapped up in derby.  It's who I am. Or is it?

Who am I?  Am I the Harley girl?  Am I Squeaks bye the derby girl?  These characters are so well developed they even have their own costumes.
Black t-shirt, jeans and boots = Harley girl.
Spandex with underpants on the outside, skates = derby girl.
Do these characters represent the diversity of my spirit or am I just playing dress up?  The short answer is, I don't know.  I'm not sure what the criteria is for identifying your true self.  A sort of litmus test of the soul.

I went to practice.  He's right, I don't quit because I'm scared.  I got involved with the group practice.  We lined up, our trainer shouted, "three point transitions!" My heart sank.  That was the simple manoeuvre I was doing when I broke my leg. Three point transitions are my kryptonite.  Telling myself that I could do it I went to the line, I was wrong.  I couldn't do it.  I thought I might burst into tears but I just lined up again. Then we were on to track carving, I can do that, it's awkward and I certainly carve right better than left but I made it through.  Before I knew it I was in a pace line weaving between other skaters.  It was great but as soon as I got to the front of the line I had to stop.  The adrenaline was so intense that my knees were shaking and I could hardly hold myself up.  I sat out the rest of that drill.  When they went into blocking drills I stayed on the side lines and practiced 3 point transitions.  Oh yes I did!  My derby wife, Dislo-Kate, said watching me do it made her stomach turn and she wanted to throw up.  Katie was a great support during my injury. She was the one who rode with me in the ambulance, talked to me everyday and came over often to keep me in the loop.   Knowing that it scared her too made me feel that much more proud for doing it.

So perhaps this is my epiphany.  My identity, at the core, is what allows me to play these characters.  I am brave and autonomous.  I possess the skills to overcome fear and to know when to ask for help.  That is who I am. Who I am allows me to face men who doubt the ability of a girl with a wrench.  I can face a wall of scary bitches on skates and when I fall down I get back up.  I get back up.

I GET BACK UP.

Zombie Apocalypse

I could have been a boyscout.  I am always prepared.  On our recent trip around Australia we were headed through outback NSW and nearly ran out of fuel. (Just quietly, this is totally my husbands fault.)  In my whole life I have never run out of petrol and this was as close as you could get without actually having to walk.   We rolled into Cobar on fumes and puckered butt holes. Running out of fuel is not something that happens to me because I AM THE WOMAN WITH A PLAN.  As we rode through the outback all I could think was, "I'm not prepared for this! No combination of the items that I have carefully packed will allow us to get out of this."  Plans are how I make sense of the chaos that is my life. They give me a feeling of control and I like how that feels.

My Australian friends laugh at me because I have an emergency bag packed and sitting by the front door.  It's called a BOB (Bug Out Bag) or GOOD (Get Out Of Dodge) bag.  They are the single item that you grab if the sh*it hits the fan and you have to go NOW!  A concept that makes perfect sense to me but has many of my Aussies laughing at me and calling it my Zombie Apocalypse Bag.  I have put a lot of thought, time and research into my bag.  One of my favourite games is "name the items that you'd put in this bag" and then I see if I have them all. (It's true I'm a geek but indulge me)

There is a movement of people called "preppers".  Basically they are prepared for a crash in society or an emergency.  They decide to prepare for different reasons.  Some believe that the economy is going to crash and society with it, some believe a world war is coming, others have religious reasons.   I think, why wouldn't you prepare?  There are 10,000 things that can go wrong at any time.  This week we've had flash floods in our area. As friends wrote on facebook about being stranded in their cars I re-checked the compact BOB in my Jeep.

If you are ever in an emergency you better hope you're with me.  My brain works best during an emergency.  My thoughts are clear, crisp and rapid.  I think that part of this is because I've already gone through so many emergencys in my head, worked out a plan, a back up plan and a contingency to that.   Even in non-apocalyptic life I am prepared.  I don't run out of things.  Soap, toothpaste, toiletpaper, dog food or coffee I buy it before I run out.  Why wouldn't you?  You know you'll use it up eventually right?

I make survival bracelets.  They are 550 paracord that is weaved into an attractive bracelet with a robust buckle.  They quickly unravel to give you access to 6-9 feet of paracord.  I won't go into the 100's of possible uses but I wear mine all the time.  I have weaved keychains too, just in case.  I've made many and given them to friends.  They are kind and accept them as a novelty but I know that one day it could save their life OR it could replace a broken shoe lace which would be really inconvenient.

So this week as the weather freaks out, roads are washed away and towns like Lightening Ridge were preparing to be water locked for weeks just do me a favor and check the batteries in your flashlight/torch.   Next time you do the shopping buy a few extra cans of baked beans and put them in the back of the cupboard.  Please.  It makes me feel better.  

Leave me a comment below and let me know you something OR you could ask me if the item that you're thinking of is in my bag.

Road thoughts

I just returned from my tour of south east Australia.  My husband and I took a motorcycle 3,200 miles/6,000 kms in 16 days. It was BRILLIANT! What a wonderful adventure.  We saw desert, beach, rain forests and rivers.  We met up with some good friends, made new friends and met some nice dogs along the way.  One of the things I love most about riding is that you get into your own head and travel there as much as you travel along the highway.  So over then next few blogs I will share some of the things that popped into my head on the road.

This is my new pal Mo. 

Where our trip took us! 

See it all

Surely you have a bucket list.  Hidden in your fb notes, tucked away in your underwear drawer or on the back page of your journal.  And I bet at least one of the items on your list involves travel. Probably somewhere exotic, Paris, Tahiti, Hawaii maybe Russia.  Are you actively working toward getting there?


I've been really fortunate in my life that I've had the opportunity to travel a lot.  I'm originally from the US but I've lived in Australia for the last 7 years.  I started to travel when I was in high school. My parents sent me to Europe the summer before my senior year.  England, France, Switzerland, Italy, Austria and Germany.  It was a whirlwind tour.  Also it was amazing and opened the eyes of this small town girl.  I have also been to Mexico, Canada, 38 US states (including Alaska & Hawaii) and of course Australia.  A layover at the airport doesn't count.  


Last summer my husband and I got on a Harley-Davidson Roadking and went along old Route 66 from Las Vegas to Illinois.  We continued to Milwaukee, then across to Sturgis South Dakota, through Yellowstone National Park (The best!) and  through Idaho back to Nevada.  It was brilliant, 5500 miles/8,800 km in total.  We called it the Miles and Memories trip.  As Australians we get several weeks of paid holiday each year.  Something that seemed very strange to us as Americans.  We have quickly learned to enjoy it.  However it seems that each year we go back to the US for our holiday.  We have an annual business event that we attend there and then we see family so we plan our fun time around that.  So here I am living in one of the most beautiful, diverse and vast continents on the planet and I've seen very little of it. 


The time has come to see Australia.  I wouldn't want to go in 344 days without having been to the outback would I?   So tomorrow we leave.  We are packing up our Streetglide and heading west.  We have one schedule event that we need to attend to and the rest will be random.  Heading to South Australia and Victoria.  We will be in tiny little towns in the middle of no where and then on to the beautiful city of Melbourne to return home up the Great Ocean Road.  I don't have a name for this journey I'm sure it will come to me on the road.  


So I guess the point of this post is, why do you have to go so far for it to be considered travel?  Have you ever been to a local hotel and had a look at all those cards in the lobby?  You know the ones that feature all the local events, sites and landmarks?  Well, have you seen all of them?  


In his Instructions for Life the Dalai Lama says, "Once a year, go someplace you've never been before." it doesn't have to be far.  Pack up the family and go to the next town for the strawberry jam festival or go to the top of the tallest building in your city.  Be a tourist in your own neighbourhood and remember why it's a great place to live.  Take a different street, eat somewhere random, walk into a shop with an interesting window display you never know what adventure will be started with that one step.




I leave you with one of my favourite things:

The Dalai Lama's Instructions for Life 

• Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
• When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
• Follow the three R's:
  - Respect for self.
  - Respect for others.
  - Responsibility for all of your actions.
• Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
• Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
• Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
• When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
• Spend some time alone every day.
• Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
• A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
• In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
• Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
• Be gentle with the earth.
• Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
• Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
• Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
• Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Live like there is no tomorrow.  

Day 7

If the world ends in 348 days would I wish I'd gone back to derby? Would I have been grateful if didn't and was cautious? Perhaps without further injury? 

I find that screaming rap lyrics at the top of my voice is the best cure for a case of the nerves. So I was driving down the highway and Eminem is reminding me "this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime, yo"  Last night, with medical clearance in hand, was my triumphant return to roller derby.  Triumphant because I actually went back.

It was 3 days short of 9 months off.  4 days in hospital, 12 weeks in plaster, 6 weeks in a walking cast, walking stick for a few more. It adds up.  Funny thing about laying on a couch with a broken leg, you get a lot of time to think.  I have been through all of the emotions. Why me? I deserve this. I'm too old for this shit. I'm too young for this shit. I can't go back. I MUST go back.  What if? OMG I must have worn out my thinker.  It's weird because all your body needs to heal is time.  But the damage to your psyche is more complex.  No pills, no surgery, no amount of time is guaranteed to work.  Some people may think it is easier to just not go back. I'm not so sure.  The days of wondering what you could have been, missing the family that is a roller derby league and being part of something that you love.  It may be harder to walk away from derby than to strap skates back on.

I arrived 40 minutes early.  My knees were shaking, I had to pee and I thought I might throw up. Weird because I'd been skating a few times already. I knew I could skate. But this wasn't just skating this was standing up and shouting from the roof tops, "I'm BACK!" This was about committing to do it.

If the world ends in 348 days I want to know that I did what I could, when I could. I tried my best and didn't hide when things were scary.  Courage is the thing you get after you do the thing that scares you.

I didn't participate in the regular training. I'm not confident enough for falls, contact and transition moves yet.  I skated on the neighbouring court and did my own work.  I hit several milestones, skating on one leg, cross overs, turns & blisters.  I found myself getting more stable with each lap.  Muscle memory is a real thing.

The best part of the night was that I walked in and no one looked at me with that sad, "Oh you're the girl that got hurt" look.  I have moved into the "You're the girl that came back" look and it's much happier.   While I skated I looked around the room I could see the others were watching me. I could see the smiles. I could see that they were genuinely pleased to have me back.  A few girls came over to skate beside me.  There are a few of us coming back from injuries we talked the philosophy of injury and how awesome it is to be a woman.  It is awesome.  The women I have met through roller derby never stop amazing me.  It is a beautiful thing to have the support, genuine loving support from a group of women.  Skating is just transportation but roller derby is a world of wonder, love and power.

How the heck could I have walked away from that?

Me in the last bout I played in more than a year ago.

5 of 355

What an amazing week! On Monday I taught skatenance and had great time. That evening I did the scariest thing I've ever done! I went down a ramp at a skate park. Seriously it was harder than jumping out of an airplane.  Probably because when I went out of the plane I was 23 and had no fear.  I'm a little more suspicious of these sorts of things now.  I went down three ramps and totally stacked it each time. But as they say at the Oscar's it was an honour just to be able to show up.  I did get to skate forward and backward on a half pipe and that was fun.  I am really noticing how much my centre of balance is off.  The best part of the day was getting to spend time with the girls from my league. We started this league in February and in April I broke my leg.  The league grew up without me.  Even though  I was included in the decisions I wasn't there to form relationships so I am playing catch up.

On Tuesday I met up with a couple of the girls at the roller rink for a bit of fun.  It turned out to be a 38/96 degree day so we were really working hard.  That day was about just getting  a bunch of laps under my belt.  I discovered that it is very hard for me to skate on just my left leg and (this part not for the squeamish) I can feel the pins that are in my leg.  That is I feel the heads of the bolts rubbing on the inside of my skin.  It's unsettling. But I did skate for a good hour and a half without any major pain and didn't swell up much that night.  I am super muscle sore all over and my butt didn't take those drops at the skate park well but all in all a successful start back to skating.  Today I went to the doctor and got medical clearance to train with my league.  Training starts tomorrow.  BRING IT!

A few months ago we had the amazing Bonnie D. Stroir come out and train us. I was still off skates but really took a lot from our discussions.  She said you have to visualise what you want. Not just wish for it but see yourself doing it.  Understand how it feels while you are doing it smell it, touch it, taste it.  I went home and photoshopped a picture of me skating against SRDL.  I know how it will feel when I make the travel team and feel the floor of the Sports Centre under my wheels.  2012 is my year.  It has to be since I am treating it like the last one right?

Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aide!

Day 2

Today I am teaching a class in roller skate maintenance.  This is my third time teaching this class but still I'm nervous.  Why do I question my own knowledge?  There was a time when certain businesses were competing for me now I doubt my own ability.  BUT in this, the last year I must act and not question.  This is why they teach surgeons and soldiers to just react and not think.  No time to question yourself just accept that you are well trained and respond accordingly.

Tonight I am going to the Skate Park I talked to one of the other girls last night and she's scared too.  Being scared in a group is easier I think.  It's called the Monster Skate Park!  Monster!  I will choose to think of the Sesame Street Monsters instead of something truly terrifying.   Elmo's skate park, Oscar the Grouches skate park, Cookie Monster Skate Park.  See that's not so bad.  Perhaps if I stack it will be into a wall of red, green or blue fur that comes with a hug and word of encouragement.   "Elmo says that was a good try!"

Thanks Elmo, I'm doing my best.