I can see clearly now

It's been a little more than 2 weeks since my eye surgery.  I was to be clear that my experience is not what most people experience when they have Lasik.  For them it is like the commercials.  They have the surgery, go home with a sleeping pill and when they wake up the next day they can see. I know that is how it is because I shared a waiting room with those people.  The young girls bounced out of the exam room "I've got better than 20/20!" they announce cheerfully to the room.  Just quietly I thought, "whatever bitch" but I knew my time would come.  When I was called in for my post surgery exam the optometrist was shocked to find that I couldn't make out a single letter on the chart. "Chart what chart?"  She tried to hide her concern but I could see she was a little scared.  I touched her hand, "it's ok, she said this would happen" I was completely near sighted or short sighted which was the opposite of how I'd started out.

The muscles in my eyes were so strong that if they had done a standard operation the muscles would have pulled my eyes back out of focus.  So for the first few days my vision would be good and then rapidly get bad again.  To avoid that the surgeon explained that she would have to over correct my eyes and let the muscles pull them into focus.  A process that would take a few weeks and was a lot harder than it sounded in our consultation.  I did notice that when the surgeon did my first check up, even through my swollen eyes, I could see the fine hairs on the side of her face.  I'd never seen them before on anyone.

By day three of my recovery I was convinced that they entire thing was a mistake and I wished I had never done it.  I chastised myself, "what was so wrong with glasses? At least you could see then.  You had to be so vain and ruin everything!" Because I was coming from a place where I had poor depth perception the world I could see was different, very different.  It was as if everything had suddenly been inflated.  Driving home I asked my husband, "Did you know the McDonalds golden arches weren't flat?" He laughed, "Uh, ya I knew that" It became clear to me that there was a whole world of marketing that hadn't been available to me.  Letters on buildings popped out at me, signs were plump and then we passed a car yard. BALLOONS! Oh my god balloons! No wonder people love balloons, they were so beautiful.  Pudgy little spheres of joy.  I had no idea balloons could look like that, it was amazing.

On the other side of that was that when I walked into a room I was suddenly very aware of the corners and the closeness of the walls. There were also no words to describe what I was seeing because words I had use before no longer applied. Trees on the street were in a different order, for the first time I understood what far-away looked like but my world had became very small.  If you've ever been on a computer simulated ride you may appreciate how it felt.  My eyes saw something, it was similar to things I'd looked at before but they just didn't add up in my brain.  I was queazy, outside was overwhelming and I just wanted to stay in my room.  The sun was like 1000 times brighter than I'd ever seen.  It burned and my eyes watered like leaky faucets.  I covered my curtains with thick blankets.  The brightness of the TV was turned way down and I sat 18 inches in front of it so I could see.  I could do little else.  After a week I got brave enough to go outside with dark sunnies on.  My friends cheered with me when I'd post on facebook that I could "see" things.  Droplets of water in the shower was big deal. Since I could never shower with glasses on the whole experience is different.  There are fleur de lis on the taps in my shower, I've lived in this house for 6 1/2 years and never knew that.  I can see the trail from the razor when I shave my legs. Where I haven't shaved is shiny and where I have is matte.  I've been shaving my legs since I was 13 years old and never saw that.

So two weeks in and I have come really far. I am sitting outside now, without sunnies and I can see the leaves on the trees.  That is the trees with big leaves but I know the small leaves will come.  My eyes are dry but if I apply drops twice a day they don't bother me.  This weekend I went on a trip into the forest to find wild mushrooms.  I could see the changes in terrain, the height of rocks and plants and I didn't trip or fall once.  I didn't walk into branches or step off things that seems lower than they were.  It was brilliant.  Last night hubby took me out for a birthday dinner and as we drove home in the dark I realised that I could see the lines on the road, crisp as lettuce.

So I begin my 36th year with this thought.  I have seen the Mona Lisa, the Grand Canyon and tulips in the spring but nothing will ever be as striking or more beautiful than the day I saw a bunch of balloons over a used car yard.

Surgery day

So it was surgery day.  I was pretty scared but once they gave me the valium I was right.  This is how it went down.

I arrived at surgery around 4.00 they had me fill out some paperwork and removed my left arm for payment.  An optometrist took me back and retested my eyes to confirm the previous tests.  I took notice that without my glasses I can read the second line.  You know how there is a single letter at the top and then they get smaller as you go down?  Well without my glasses  I could read the second line.  Back to the waiting room.

Will sat beside me holding my hand.  Then I hear my name and away I go.  She had me sit in an big overstuffed chair and confirmed my details.  I was given a lovely covering for my shoes and hair although all of my hair didn't actually fit in it.  Valium and pain pills downed and I'm told it will be about 30 minutes until they call me.  Did I have any questions?  Well yes, can we record the surgery for me to watch later?  She assures me they can and leaves to set up the camera.  I am left with a single magazine and a better understanding of the tragic life of Pippa Middleton as she's dissed by the Queen.

My knees feel funny and loose and I know the valium has kicked in.  I'm greeted by a cheerful blonde with a camera announcing, "it's time!"  I wasn't aware that I was going to be a feature of this movie I thought it would just be my eyeballs but whatever.  I walk back, they put me on a table, settle my head and the machine moves me back toward the laser.

The actually surgery couldn't have taken longer than 5 or 6 minutes.  They put a weird circular clamp under my eyelids.  A machine is positioned over my eye and a spotted red light is visible.  "Look right at the red light" they tell me time and time again. I thought I would see the laser cutting but all I saw was the red light.  They put some machine over my eye and mash it down onto my eyeball.  Seriously, there was so much pressure I thought my eye might explode.  Then the burning smell of poor vision.  30 seconds later they put a tiny squeegee across my eye laying the "flap" back down.  Next eye same thing and done. It was a whirlwind.  A hand on my shoulder and they tell me I'm done.  The bed moves to the front and they tell me to follow someone into the next room.  Looking then was like looking through a window smeared with petroleum jelly.  I am seated and a young girls goes over the numerous eyedrops I'll have to apply over the next week.  Then she puts the eye shields over my eyes, the old lady cataract sunnies and I'm done.  Out to the waiting room to a husband who was surprised to see me so soon.

The patches they put over my eyes didn't black out the world they are opaque so I couldn't really see but I could make out objects.  We made it down the lift and out onto the street.  It turns out the the surgery I had actually turned me into a vampire.  I learned this as I stepped on to the footpath and the sun met my eyes.  "It burns us!" Holy mother of sunshine how would I make it home?

Will directed me to Jeep and as I stepped up to it I realised that I could see the curb. Like really see it, as a step.   We drove home and I slept.  I awoke as we pulled onto our street.  The swelling had come and I was completely blind.  Will got me into the house and in bed.  At that point it felt as though I'd had hot pokers pushed through my eyes like the old man on Robin Hood.  What would I do if they put my master in a cage hanging from the top beam? I'd never get him down and he'd be pecked to death by evil birds.

There were pain pills in my take home pack so I got those down.  Will put on a movie I'd seen 4,000 times so it didn't matter if I could see it. Both dogs lay beside me knowing that something wasn't quite right.  5 minutes later I was asleep.

I discovered the next day that the eye shields weren't actually opaque they're clear but my post surgery eyes were opaque.